Thursday, February 11, 2010

Thought this was funny

From "The Jaded Reviews Guide to Hippy Watching in North America"

Astrology - A convenient system to shift responsibility for peoples fucked up choices

Chakras out of Alignment - I'm fucked up and looking for things to blame it on

Cleansing - One of the most important steps in becoming condescending towards average people

Dreamspell - A complete bastardization of an ancient wisdom which gave rise to yet another useless method of bullshit divination

Ecstatic Dance - Flailing around arhythmically

Enlightened - Does not in anyway challenge your narrow view of the world

Facilitate - Allow others to do

Festival - A party. Usually dressed up to have some kind of sociopolitical or spiritual significance. This of course has little impact on the number of bad trips, fights, and misuse of the land that takes place. Often doesn't change anything but empowers revellers to believe that it has.

Goddess Worship - fucking, ogling or stalking goddesses.

Healing - An adjective to make anything seem more profound than it really is.

Higher Purpose - Unemployment

Jah Bless - If you are a white rasta the only time you should say "Jah Bless" is when someone asks your occupation

Invoke - To shamelessly beg powers beyond your comprehension to do something

Intergalactic - Taking place within the confines of industrialized western society

Light Being - The person you wish you could be but will never have the discipline to actually become

Light Warrior - A particularly popular hippie

Manifest - How the enlightened scrounge from their friends

Massage Therapy - The best option for income without higher education

Mercury in Retrograde - Why you called your girlfriend a bitch last night

Presence - Will stare you in the eye for hours and touch you too often

Open Minded - Not able to entertain any opposing viewpoints

Open Relationship - A fuck-buddy situation for anyone too selfish or immature for a real relationship. Sometimes used to end relationships.

Saturn Return - The depression that comes in your late 20's when you realize your life is going nowhere and you still don't have any money

Shakti Energy - Horny

Spiritual Guide - Middle aged man who parlays his menial understanding of any unfounded new age spiritual practice to allow maximum opening of the sacral chakra of young hippy women.

Soulmate - I'll be single again in 4 months

Shaman - I do drugs

Teachers - People whom you emulate without going through the necessary life experiences to truly embody

Trade - My talents aren't good enough to make enough money to actually pay you

Worshipping the Goddess - Fucking

Unconditional Love - Open affection for anyone within your close knit group of like-minded and similarly-dressed friends (maybe the most profoundly sad euphamism of all)

Universal Love - What you feel when you're constantly stoned

Universal Truths - The narrow set of beliefs held by your circle of friends (the second most profoundly sad euphamism)

Visionary - Drug-Induced

Visionary Art - Lots of pretentious descriptions of art that looked better when you were high